By Jessica Dalton | Monster Hill Books

Here’s something I’ve been realizing lately in my own home:

Sometimes it’s not that my kids don’t hear me, it’s that they don’t want to do what comes next.

And honestly? That makes sense.

Sometimes they’re:

• Deep in imaginative play
• Zoned out with their favorite show
• Totally immersed in the iPad
• Avoiding what’s next (like brushing teeth… because bedtime = the end of fun)

I get it. I don’t love being interrupted either. And I definitely don’t love doing things I don’t want to do.

But when I assume they’re “not listening,” I think I miss the real reason they’re resisting…

… They’re not ready to let go of the moment they’re in.

What I’m Trying Instead

1. Acknowledge What They’re Doing First

Before jumping into a command or correction, I’m learning to start with connection.

“You’re really focused on that show, looks like you’re loving it.”
“I see you’re right in the middle of that game, it’s hard to pause when you’re having fun.”

That simple acknowledgment often diffuses the resistance.

2. Prep for the Shift

This is huge. Instead of surprising them with a demand, I’m trying to give a soft landing into what comes next. Which also requires me to stay on task and on time so I can give them notice when it’s realistically possible.

“We’re brushing teeth in five minutes. Want to brush now or finish this level and then pause?”
“You don’t have to stop right this second, but you do need to be ready in five minutes. Do you want to be in charge of the timer or would you lime me to?”

Timers, transitions, and reminders help all of us stay on task and make the shift feel less abrupt.

3. Validate the Feeling (Even If the Boundary Stays the Same)

Sometimes my kids don’t want to stop what they are doing because what’s next feels like a loss. And that’s valid.

“I know, it’s hard to end something you’re enjoying. I feel that way too when my favorite part of the day is over. You’re allowed to be upset. And it’s still time to get ready. Would you like to walk backwards or crab walk to the room to get changed?”

This isn’t permissive parenting. It’s connected parenting. The boundary stays the same, but the relationship stays intact.

What I’m Learning…

When I stop assuming “they’re not listening” and start asking, “What are they holding onto? What are they avoiding?” everything softens.

It doesn’t mean I always get cheerful cooperation. But it does mean fewer power struggles, more empathy, and better transitions.

And like everything in parenting, I’m still learning. Still practicing. Still growing.

One moment. One pause. One small shift at a time.

Have you noticed this with your kids, too? What helps you support them through transitions when they’re deep in their own world?

Thanks for sticking through this with me, it means more than you know.

Until next time 🙂